party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
