He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
