Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
