i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
