Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
