Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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