Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Life is so much better after having sex.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
