no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
