12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
