I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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