very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
