I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
