I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
And then he peed in my hair
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