can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
