He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
being pregnant is like rehab
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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