Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
