His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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