Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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