You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
