You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
