Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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