i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
