I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
