apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
