i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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