My liver just broke up with me...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
