be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
