We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
