Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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