there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
