didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
