Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
