I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
