I'm so fucking centered right now
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
