...so i touched it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
