I showed him my bush... on skype.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
