Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
