You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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