when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
