My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
