there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
