Texts From Last Night

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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth

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  (704): I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth http://tfl.nu/9h3z
  Replies (4) Good night (665) Bad night (2813)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.

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  (336): i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night. http://tfl.nu/mqbm
  Replies (18) Good night (952) Bad night (3609)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.

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  (870): I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership. http://tfl.nu/f8ej
  Replies (50) Good night (6749) Bad night (1529)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.

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  (612): Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks. http://tfl.nu/s0b7
  Replies (27) Good night (1312) Bad night (4143)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.

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  (503): She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party. http://tfl.nu/vfln
  Replies (46) Good night (844) Bad night (7241)
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  (845): View more from New York

  They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.

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  (845): They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory. http://tfl.nu/jr9q
  Replies (7) Good night (1252) Bad night (3744)
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  (914): View more from New York

  shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness

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  (914): shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness http://tfl.nu/7ruk
  Replies (32) Good night (2173) Bad night (4851)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.

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  (609): I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad. http://tfl.nu/4fga
  Replies (11) Good night (3338) Bad night (2125)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?

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  (304): will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back? http://tfl.nu/g3xm
  Replies (7) Good night (2771) Bad night (1085)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus

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  (774): I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus http://tfl.nu/kps3
  Replies (3) Good night (586) Bad night (842)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.

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  (313): I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it. http://tfl.nu/dmoy
  Replies (10) Good night (1093) Bad night (509)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect

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  (518): I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect http://tfl.nu/1a0b
  Replies (3) Good night (364) Bad night (575)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos

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  (613): When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos http://tfl.nu/lfoe
  Replies (2) Good night (456) Bad night (300)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.

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  (847): Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome. http://tfl.nu/9r5o
  Replies (5) Good night (265) Bad night (555)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.

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  (617): You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you. http://tfl.nu/dr4a
  Replies (0) Good night (581) Bad night (163)

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