I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus