my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
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He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
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I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun