Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.