weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh