found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.