you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
