what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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