I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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