Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
