I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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