tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
