I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
