I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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