This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
