I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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