He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
