I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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