Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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