You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Found the puke drawer
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
