i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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