Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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