do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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