I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
