if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
