when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
