Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
