you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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