these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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