You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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