Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
