Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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