You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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