Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
