Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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