I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I touched a dick in church today
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
