If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
