i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
